The Seventh Schedule

Women are like beautiful flowers in full bloom and like flowers, when they slowly begin to wither, you could almost literally hear their scream of fright!  

So was the case when Mom and I went to the market to shop for food stuffs for the house which is one of my least favourite things to do with her as she's an expert at haggling with market women unnecessarily for so long it wears me and more often than not, the sellers out. 

Her excuse usually is that since I barely know what it feels like to work and cater for a family all on my own, I couldn't understand why she needs to bargain and get the fairest deals on food stuffs to which I always nod with sarcasm. 

After haggling back and forth with a frozen fish seller over a carton of frozen fish for so long, the woman got irritated and sneered derisively at Mom and trust her not to take things lying low, she immediately called her out so loudly it generated curious glances and attention from other close-by sellers who pleaded with Mom to be patient. Seeing that she was having the upper hand and the support of other market women and passers-by, the pitch of her voice went a little higher as she refused to be placated and kept reprimanding the fish seller who kept apologizing, not because she felt sorry but so as to sell the fish and make her money, intermittently saying "I'm sorry ma" whilst packaging the fish, I covered my face in shame as I sensed she was about to get even more upset as Mom takes offence to being regarded as a "Ma" especially from fellow women, more so, women who are also mothers, implying that she's probably aged, she retorted back swiftly, telling the obviously younger woman,

 "Save your sorries...MA" 

I turned away from them, fished out my phone and pretended to be on a call. Still upset while I was still busy on my fake call, Mom slapped me repeatedly on the back to get my attention and collect the packaged bag of fish and carry to the car, I was so incensed at her action that if it weren't for the fact that she is my mom and we were in public, only God knows how much I would have yelled at her, I felt rather embarrassed at her treating me like a child with that action of slapping me repeatedly on the back and she saw the scowl in my face but she didn't care, instead, she snapped at me to be fast about it...good Lord! 


I just paused and took in few drags of air to hold myself from bursting with anger as a few of the market women smiled at me, understanding my situation at that moment, I acknowledged their smiles with a slight nod then lifted the bags and followed her to the car. On our way home, she hissed and started ranting about how disrespectful the fish seller woman was and asking who the hell she is to suggest she's older by referring to her as "Ma", I looked away from her and subtly rolled my eyes, she went,

 "Can you believe that fish seller? I won't be disrespected, over what? I contribute to her earning power and I'm suppose to get scorn in return? Hell no" 

I sighed and replied her, 

"Don't take this the wrong way mother but you can be quite annoying a times, you wanted to buy fish, you already asked around and was told the prevailing wholesale price, yet you kept haranguing the poor woman to beat the price down and when she subtly Mom...Subtly pushed back, you couldn't take it, that's not very cool Mom" 

"Oh pls" Mom shot back, 

"..Are you going to support her or me your mother who gave you life? Ehn?" 

I smiled and nodded to myself, Mom, ever the emotional blackmailer, she knows to make you feel bad for not jumping to her defence when she needs it. Mom went on anyway,

 "Plus who was she trying to subtly shade as being old? Having the nerve to address me as "Ma", that old woman who should be at least five years older than I am",

 "Mummmmmmyyyyy" 

I exclaimed then burst out laughing, I continued, 

"I knew that was the real problem you had with her, what makes you think she's older than you Mom? Anyone with eyes can see you are pretty much older than her plus mother, not every "Ma" means someone is trying to profile you as old, more often times than not and in this situation, the "Ma" simply is an accord of respect, she sees you as probably more fortunate and dignified than her and as such couldn't call you out like she would a friend, Mom really, stop!"

 Mom shook her head sadly then responded, 

"You're such a child, you don't know anything, that woman wasn't looking to accord me much respect, she wanted me to feel old and delude herself she's younger, I pray you don't bring an old hag to me and say she's going to be your wife, listen son! How you know a woman is far along in age is through her hands, her neck and her feet and those of that woman looked scrawny, wrinkly and a great tell-tale sign of her age almost nearing my Mom's, so how dare she try to make me feel old when she's the old one" 

She said with a guttural grunt of disgust, I simply smiled and wanted to tell her those wrinkled neck, hands and feet might be because she's not had good nutrition and slaves in the hot sun all day selling her wares but on second thought, decided to drop the issue as it's an argument I know I wouldn't win. 

Later that day when we got home, the boys were watching a series show on TV, Karl who was fiddling with his phone suddenly let out an excited scream which startled all of us, he held up his phone happily, announcing he just got an email from the Department of Nigeria Citizenship/Naturalization in the Ministry of Interior notifying him that he's been finally granted the citizenship of Nigeria based on the fact that he's been here for a few years with no bad record and they've been able to verify he has one part Nigerian parent, we all rejoiced with him and couldn't wait for the D-day when he would be given his passport alongside other newly naturalized citizens. 

Later that day, early in the evening, I was half asleep in my room when I heard a pretty loud raucous going on downstairs like a jumble of pans and plastics so I grudgingly stood up and went downstairs to ascertain what the problem was and Mom wailed on seeing me, asking Hamz to explain to me why he wants to kill her, my brain quickly processed  through a maze of Hamz's many past misdemeanors to pick one which might be a possible offence he had committed again as Hamz yelled above her voice behind her, saying all he did was block a slap she had wanted to deal him with and now all our relatives would soon start calling him for him to explain why he had wanted to kill our mother, I bursted out laughing, Mom shook her head irritably and showed me a sieve she had asked Hamz to wash for the past three days which she found tucked under the refrigerator unwashed, I sighed and asked him why he didn't wash a simple sieve and rather hid it under the refrigerator, he murmured irritably under his breath, collected the sieve and went into the kitchen, I smiled at Mom and told her not to be upset then asked where QT and Karl were, 

"They went for a jog" 

I nodded then left for my room. 

The next morning, Karl woke up earlier than the rest of us, he was clearly elated to be getting his Nigerian passport making him a citizen of his late father's country, I can quite understand how that must be a great feeling as I'm a full fledged citizen of Nigeria since my Mom and Dad are Nigeria citizens and he hitherto was only a citizen of the U.S and now, he has dual citizenship of two countries, I was happy for him. I came out of the shower in my room which I share with Karl when Hamz with his towel wrapped around his waist hurriedly pulled me away from the bathroom door and rushed in, I was quite shocked, wondering what he wanted in our room when he shares a room with QT with their own bathroom but Karl smiled upon looking at him for answers, 

"QT has been in the bathroom for ever, I guess "shitting", so he can no longer wait for him"

 I shook my head sadly then went to get dressed. Thirty minutes later and we were all set and boarded the car as QT drove us to the Ministry in central area Abuja where the event was to take place.

 Alighting from the car, we saw different foreigners from different countries, the lot of them women who had been married to Nigerian men and had settled here who were also there to be given their passports all gaily dressed alongside their families. 

We all trudged into the hall, took our seats and the newly conferred citizens were summoned to the front, a little paper work was done and they were handed a book of oath which is the Seventh Schedule to read from and when all were set, they began to read as my eyes and that of Mom's teared up while Hamz recorded the event to be sent to Karl's mom Nicole who couldn't attend the event later as Karl took his oath, it went thus,

 " I, Karl Adagiri,..." 

As a jumble of names were called at where they were supposed to recite their names, they went on 

" ...Do solemnly swear that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to the Federal Republic of Nigeria and that I will preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, So help me God" 

To which a resounding "Amen" resonated everywhere from everyone in the hall to a resounding round of applause from an excited crowd of families and loved ones. 

Karl came dancing towards us as we stood up dancing as well, he then excitedly exclaimed, 

"I be Omo Naija now" 

which got us all and some other families reeling with laughter,

 "I can vote and be voted yeah?" 


He asked excitedly as Mom clapped cheerfully and hugged him as he brandished his Nigerian passport and we all filed out as we drove home to enjoy a sumptuous meal of fried rice and fried chicken I was going to cook. 

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